The Squeaky ALT Chair

I have the squeakiest desk chair ever created by mankind.

Either everyone else in the Board of Education has a normal chair, or they are possessed of some congenital ability to move with the weight of a powder puff. Like an elf, or a ninja.

In the quiet of the office there is a shuffling of papers, a cough, an answer to a phone call.

All is silent.

I shift.

My chair squeaks.

Nay, it erupts, fracturing the silence like Vesuvius in the quiet of Pompeii.

Silence again until, butt numb from sitting and back starting to ache, I deign to move once more.

My chair squeaks.

I have insulted the emperor; I have brought shame upon everyone’s mother; I have shit in the milk.

Quietly I subside, mortified and wide-eyed.

My coworkers carry stoically on.